Last weekend, during a moment of crisis, he said something so profound to me over the phone that really struck a chord:
“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”
He went onto explain that if we have a reaction to something that is overreactive, makes us jump to conclusions, forces us into making assumptions, or if your walls go up, it’s never in response to what’s going on in that present moment. It is triggering a past experience that made us feel bad, and we bring that experience into the present and create a disaster in the moment.
– I hate avocados.
– If I were to see avocados in my salad and start yelling at the server for bringing me avocados, it doesn’t have anything to do with the server.
– It has to do with the fact that I was forced to eat avocados as a kid, even when I hated them, and I’m bringing that awful memory to the present, and taking it out on the avocado server.
If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Thanks, Jaime, for this reasonable way to approach these situations in the future. I needed this drastic shift in paradigm.