Mari

Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Jaime: If It’s Hysterical, It’s Historical.

In Be authentic, Human behavior, Relationships on 01/09/2014 at 3:43 pm

Jaime, actor, teacher and friend extraordinaire (he’s in Glee! – The Movie), has been a wealth of information over the past several months.

Last weekend, during a moment of crisis, he said something so profound to me over the phone that really struck a chord:

“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”

He went onto explain that if we have a reaction to something that is overreactive, makes us jump to conclusions, forces us into making assumptions, or if your walls go up, it’s never in response to what’s going on in that present moment. It is triggering a past experience that made us feel bad, and we bring that experience into the present and create a disaster in the moment.


For example:
– I hate avocados.
– If I were to see avocados in my salad and start yelling at the server for bringing me avocados, it doesn’t have anything to do with the server.
– It has to do with the fact that I was forced to eat avocados as a kid, even when I hated them, and I’m bringing that awful memory to the present, and taking it out on the avocado server.

If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. Thanks, Jaime, for this reasonable way to approach these situations in the future. I needed this drastic shift in paradigm.

Shannon: Grant For Good.

In Be memorable, Create, Dancing, Marketing, Networking, Organization, Relationships, Tech on 10/23/2012 at 1:29 am

I met Shannon when we were both on a panel last year in Chicago. She’s the super smart, hard working, inspiring founder of Pivotal Productions. We discovered that we were both tap dancers in a past life (although she won national tap dance competitions and I never even entered them). Here’s a snapshot of us doing a triple time step before our panel:

So, one of the best things she brought up was how she joined forces with a bunch of other small businesses to provide an amazing grant (like, $100K+ in business services) to one non-profit applicant via Grant for Good. Why is this brilliant?

1 – Two heads (or seven companies, in this case) are better than one. Businesses can do more when joining forces than operating solo.

2 – Harnessing requests for donated product or services – which is every small business’ challenge – is much easier if it’s handled in an organized, official way. (Saying, “Apply for our Grant for Good” > reviewing a million scattered requests for donations.)

3 – This gets more press. Let’s face it: we donate “in exchange for free press” all the time, but what does that really get us? A tiny logo on a banner? A quarter page ad in a program that nobody reads anyhow? By collaborating and doing something truly impactful, it’s likely to get more buzz.

I’m excited to apply this concept – and to tap dance again with Shannon. Next time, on stage!

Craig: Change It.

In Be logical, Create, Human behavior, Relationships, Take action on 09/05/2012 at 10:00 am

Craig and I met in an airport. We were both waiting to catch a flight and both remarked how lousy the potato chips were in the Continental lounge. Ever since then, we’ve recognized that we’re pretty much twins from another mother (and country – he’s Canadian) – we’re both ENTPs, we both own food businesses, we have similar outlooks on how to raise our children and we both love talking for the sake of talking.

In an IM conversation this morning, I told Craig that I appreciated his problem-solving ability and quick-on-his-feet nature. He is so good about thinking clearly, being innovative and methodical with his approaches to problems, and offering creative solutions to them on the spot. His ability to apply logic and objectivity to any situation is something I admire in him – greatly.

Then, he said very matter-of-factly, “Well, the way I see things, you either need to find out how to be tolerant of something, or change it.”

Thanks for the chat, Craig!

Julie: Three Months.

In Cooking, Human behavior, Networking, Organization, Relationships on 04/15/2011 at 2:24 am

Julie is one of my heroines. She’s mom to four amazing grown children, is a power attorney, drives a stick shift Mini Cooper and bakes the world’s best pot roast. Nom.

I was over at her house one Sunday a few years ago for dinner, and we were all chatty and having a good time. In the middle of the conversation, she said, “Hey, Mari – let’s schedule another one of these dinners in three months. When’s good for you?”

I said, “I have no idea. Three months?”

Her reasoning was fourfold:
1 – If we say, “Let’s do dinner sometime soon,” that ‘soon’ turns into a month, turns into six months, turns into 10 years. BAD.
2 – If we say, “Let’s do dinner next month,” there will inevitably be some scheduling conflict and then we’ll say, “Let’s reschedule for another time – sometime soon,” which turns back into #1. BAD.
3 – If we say, “Let’s set a date three months out to do dinner,” there are fewer scheduling conflicts, we can both put it onto our calendars now, and then we have something to look forward to in three months. GOOD!
4 – A lot can change in three months, so conversation will be fresh and fun. GOOD!

Now, I use Julie’s “three months” scenario with those who lead super busy lives, but who I MUST see again.

Julie, just so you know, aside from your pot roast, this is the BEST tip I’ve ever gotten from you. (Get it? Oh, I kill myself.)